Cheryl Cole wished for death during malaria ordeal
© WENN 2012
The singer had a terrifying brush with death in June 2010 when she was diagnosed with the deadly disease, which she caught on holiday in Tanzania.
In her new book, Cheryl: My Story, which has been serialised in Britain's The Sun newspaper, Cole recalls how she flipped out while battling a high fever in intensive care, attacking medics she was convinced wanted her dead.
She writes, "I remember waking up in the Cromwell Hospital, delirious. That was when I started accusing the doctors of trying to kill me. They were... covering my body in freezing, wet towels to try and lower my temperature, but I flung these back at them...
"My face was so puffy my eyes were like slits, and I was so swollen I looked nine months pregnant. A guy held an oxygen mask on my face, but I said, 'I know what you're doing. You're all trying to kill me. Don't think I'm stupid.'
"Both lungs were filled with fluid, my liver was three times normal size and I was five minutes from needing life-long kidney dialysis. They put a catheter on me and I heard someone say, 'If she doesn't get rid of some of this fluid in the next 24 hours, we've lost her.'"
The Fight For This Love hitmaker was later transported to London's Hopsital for Tropical Diseases, where she began praying for death as she was too exhausted to carry on suffering.
Cole recalls, "I can clearly remember asking the nurse if I was dying - and feeling relieved when she said, 'It's a possibility.' 'Make this end,' I thought. I just had nothing left... I was so over it by now - too tired to take any more."
The Girls Aloud star admits the ordeal helped her realize she needed a break from her busy career, adding, "I did a lot of thinking there, making connections I'd never thought of before - and they disturbed me... My whole life had been like a mad roller coaster ride. I'd had enough. I wanted to be floating around on the carousel, not watching my knuckles turn white on the roller coaster. I just had to work out how to change my life."
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